End of Year Awards

And so the End of 2008 Awards beanfeast took place last night in sunny Hammersmith, west London.

Of the 750 staff employed about 680 turned up. Many wore glittering evening dresses which were immaculately accessorised – Steve, Darren and Kevin are worth highlighting for their efforts in the glitzy glamour off-the-shoulder stakes.

The red carpet was rolled out; the limousines (not French cows!) rolled up and discharged their precious cargoes in to a hail of retina-burning flashlight photography.

Once the meal had been eaten and cleared away the awards ceremony began.

The evening began with the lower-key awards and gradually built to a climax with the eagerly awaited, more highly prized presentations.

Runner up in the category: Best Use of Chaos Theory in a Business Case
Charles Stanhope with; A project to prove the existence of alien lifeforms in traffic signalling systems on the Brixton High Street

Winner in the category: Best Use of Chaos Theory in a Business Case
Charles Stanhope with; A project to prove the existence of self-developing artificial intelligence in traffic signalling systems on the Brixton High Street

Most Imaginative Project Implementation Document
Jacki Inverness with the; CRM Is Fun! project

Best Use of Creativity in Performance Indicators
Sharon Orme with; Read Them and Weep Boys

Most Subtle Use of the Word Aardvark in a Team Meeting
Izzy Ziba with; Well it’s one thing for you to sit back and do nothing but I can assure you that our supplier is doing lots of very Aard Vark to meet these deadlines…

Highest Scoring Aggregated Management Bingo
Mike Flex with his groundbreaking; 1,018 points

And then we came to the coveted Top Table awards which were presented by the CEO.

Most Stubborn Floater
Dick van den Rose

Best Smell in Trap Two
Harriet Elms (second year running)

Most Consistently Late Meeting Attendee
Mary Osborne, Aug – Dec 2008 (and counting)

Shortest Skirt
Dave Thomas; November 2008

Best Poker Hand
Kim Guan Chong; Full House, Aces over Kings, September 2008 – hand winnings £274.14p

Longest Snot Bunny in a Meeting
Karen Richards; 8.14cm

Most Times Observed with a Finger in a Nostril
Karen Richards; 46

Best Hangover
Simon Green;  14th – 23rd November (inclusive)

Best Sleep in a Meeting
Vincenzo Giovanni

Best Use of Irony
Sally Masters with; Well that sounds nice and simple. Would you like us to do it this week?‘

Best Supporting Role
The Bar in the Pub

And finally…

Best Comedy
Brennig Jones (who else?)

B.