I have been unwell. I will spare you the hideously graphic details, I’ll just say that there have been eruptions. In other news. Last week I bought
Year: 2011
Don’t you just hate it when that happens?
Shamelessly stolen from DYAC.
Taking my brain but leaving something cleverer
I have to write a thing. A very focussed, incisive business thing. It has to, briefly, summarise a complex situation, it must list the alternatives
Clearing up the left-overs
We’ve been busy, the last couple of days, cleaning up the debris from Friday night’s inaugural ‘Witney Music Festival’. WitFest, for short. It was a
Facebook fail
Think about what’s being said here…
Unsocial networking
LinkedIn. Seriously, what’s the point of it? It’s just another channel through which recruitment consultants can send me spam. I’m thinking of bailing out of
Uppers and downers
I have just performed a magic trick. I spent half an hour in the kitchen making a meal. And then I sat on the couch
People get paid to be this bad?
Seriously. What’s wrong with this survey question? I don’t want to use the phrase ‘constructed by numbskulls’. No matter how appropriate that phrase may be.
I wish I was a social secretary
Some parents moan about how they have to service their offspring’s hectic social lives. Family cars bearing notices such as ‘Dad’s Taxi Service’ and ‘Unpaid
Let the birds have it
As one of Witney’s leading vegetarianists, I’m often stopped in the street and asked for my views on animal cruelty. ‘Oh, I’m all for it’,
What’s the real story here?
Daily Telegraph headline: Pregnant Lily Allen marries in country church Is it: That Lily Allen is pregnant? That Lily Allen has got married? That Lily
Lip up fatty
On 14th July it’ll be the next Oxford Band Practice. This month we’ll be working on ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol, ‘Knocking on Heaven’s Door’
Planned loss of service
The A420, the Oxford to Bristol (via Swindon) trunk road is closed this week – closed between Farringdon and Swindon. It’s a scheduled road closure.
Trade descriptions complaint
Dear Meridian Tonight. You have just described an event as a ‘naked bike ride’. And yet the footage you screened clearly showed a crocodile of
Stupid surveys written by stupid people
I do surveys. The latest landed in my inbox today, and question 11 is a prime example of a survey written by a seven-year old.
Collecting things as I walk about
We three Kings of orient are One in a bus and one in a car One on a scooter beeping his hooter Following Ringo Starr….
A real post from a real person
Look. I’m sorry, ok? I know you’re getting fed up with the ‘I haven’t written anything because I am just *so* busy’ line of excuses.
It’s what the internet was invented for
Videos of mummy cats cuddling kittnens who are having bad dreams, obv:
One city, two tales
I’ve taken this news story from the BBC and rearranged some of the paragraphs to highlight the two versions of this story. Version A: Queen
Testing – in theory
Prompted by a comment from Sally in the White Van Man post, in which she asks how I did with my Driving Theory and Hazard
Nothing wrong at all
The last couple of days I’ve been feeling worse than down. Angry. Annoyed. Frustrated. A bit of rage. And just a touch depressed. For no
White van man
This is the first film shot from the new, reverse angle. I wish I drove as well as these two. Oh, wait. No I don’t.
Oxford Band Practice
The theory is that once a month there’s an ‘open Mic’ band practice at the Soundworks Studio, Blackbird Leys, Oxford. An advance announcement is put
Sheep, motorbikes, cars and cameras
That title sounds like it should be an ITV2 reality show… It’s Saturday evening and we’re rocking it out large. And by ‘rocking it out
Not as serious as others?
In the cold light of morning I’m wondering if Justice Secretary, Kenneth Clarke MP, in making his widely reported comments about rape, has accidentally put
Impenetrable logic
Sometimes a thing comes along and we look at it and we say ‘WTF?’. And we look at it again and we say ‘WTF?’. Then
Things pile up
David Cameron is a twat. That statement relates to nothing in particular, apart from David Cameron’s natural twattishness, obv. Early Sunday evening and we’re doing
Counting theatrical dry seats
We’ve been watching the latest series of Dr Who – the latest series that some people have mistakenly called ‘Series six’. Some people who can’t
A life less contradictory
Sometimes being an ultra left-wing supporter with occasional right-wing inclinations isn’t as easy as that might sound. I know I’m shallow. I’m deep, but I’m
When is a twatish driver not a twat?
I don’t know either. And it’s probably best not to ask Andrew Jacques, the owner/driver of Luxury Land Liners Ltd. Probably best not to ask him
Want to go on a helicopter flight down the Grand Canyon?
Well, just sit back and relax and watch this:
Attention parents: there are some places you should not take your offspring
At the risk of appearing to be a raving child-hater (I’m not; nothing could be further from the truth. I love polite, well-brought-up, well-mannered children),
BT are back with a stunning return to form!
Look, I’ll spare you the detail, but in bullet point form: We experienced a year – twelve, long, fucking painful months – of absolute shit
The height of fashion, darling
My new t-shirt. Isn’t it lovely?
I left my heart in Fat Stan’s disco
Tomorrow morning we’re due to shake ourselves free from San Francisco and head eastwards. While in town we have been utter tourists. Open-topped bus trip
Catching the Rays in Monterey
Unexpectedly, we decided to settle in Monterey for longer than we had planned. I’m not altogether sure why. We just did. While we were in
A beach, a castle that isn’t and a strange man
After sleeping a big fat sleepy sleep of 12 hours uninterrupted sleep (that’s enough sleep references, Ed), I woke up full of beans and energy.
A little taste of Spain?
After Malibu we drove around the coast. Oxnard, Ventura and Santa Barbara. For me, the discovery of the trip so far was the gorgeous Santa
Malibu, Barbie?
Yesterday morning we temporarily escaped the clutches of LA and drove to the pier at Santa Monica. It was hot. We ambled up and down
Branches everywhere
I hear that back in the Motherland, the good people of Bristol are so incensed at being offered more consumer choice, through the planned arrival
Battered but not unbowed
It’s 08.15 local, or 15.15 BST. I’ve just crawled out of bed after 10 hours sleep; my body aches with with the kind of pain
It feels like teen spirit
That ‘end of weekend’ feeling sits heavily on my shoulders. Do you remember it? The ‘back to school’ thing that used to happen early Sunday
Steve Miller had it right
‘Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future‘. From the song ‘Fly Like An Eagle’, by the Steve Miller Band. We’re going out tonight.
It’s like good television, but with blood
I dislike medical dramas. I’m sorry, let me explain that. I mean I dislike medical soaps. Actually, I dislike any kind of soap – the
Picked a fine day to give up glue-sniffing
Here’s the kind of air accident that I’ve never seen outside of a film: ps. Don’t say anything about French drivers. Not a thing.